I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
