I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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