GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have fence marks all over my body
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
