So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
