Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
