if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
