Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
