Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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