A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
