As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
