Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
