he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
