dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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