IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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