wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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