Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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