Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
