new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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