I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
