I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
