Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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