i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
