I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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