I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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