Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
