Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
