very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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