My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
True strength comes from lack of pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
