WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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