Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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