She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
