I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
