I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize