i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
