Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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