saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
