Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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