i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
