i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
