Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drake has all the answers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
