So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Still dying that you shit outside
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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