I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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