I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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