im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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