I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
