okay pat passed out under dana's car
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
