wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
