What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
