Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
