I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
