a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
