You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
