He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
