If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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