and i looked up. we had an audience...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
