Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He did a backflip because drugs
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