grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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