i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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