oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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