As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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