her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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