I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
