i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
