I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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