Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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