Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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