Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
