Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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