apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
