Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just found a bag of teeth...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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