I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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