Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
