Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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