I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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