i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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