My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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