I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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