i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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